whole lotta love!

finally after 20 days of eating instant noodles and opening lots of canned sausages, i survived the grueling days of misery and the days which i rename drought..

i recall times that i’ve noticed me talking to myself (damm don’t mention me you wuss), and even having a nice chat with me alter ego (yeah, don’t u do that again bozo).. alas i’ve made it, and i’m still alive although i can’t say i’m perfectly well..

and now the boss has come back with presents but what i’m so excited is a good hearty meal at last and a person, a real other person i could talk to.. not to mention all the freebies!! lol

tata! and keep reading my survival guide..

!!!!!

Living on my Own…….. lonely and alone..

but just for 20 days… and with allowance.. lolz!

now what would i do with 20 days? i can’t drive a car, i’ve got no friends close enough that i could visit or hang out with, i’m physically and mentally stuck in this kinda life..

you know, internet, tv, sleep, eat, bath, so the vicious cycle repeats.. its never ending..

this is an emergency.. this is an emergency..

i don’t really know what i’m uttering right now.. just check out my next post.. and hopefully i could right something better or something that’s worth reading..

ciao!!

US.RN NA KO!! Thanks to all who prayed for me, and supported me, and just made even a single minute of my life worth living and worth continuing.. Thanks to all those who made me who i am now..
"Napako yung paa ko, nalakan ako sa labas ng bahay for 5 long hours, then i ate in a chinese restaurant, i opened my fortune cookie, that night it said "something special will come your way" i wondered, what this could mean, i though since its Valentines Day, it should be a girl.. woooh!! how long have i waited, but then what came to me was much sweeter than kisses, something that could very well dictate my future of being a couch potato or a workaholic.
so it happened, unexpectedly on the night before FEB14..

Indeed life is so unpredictable, and not all the time, things would mean something, but indeed all things means something, it just has its own time to strike us, i think my english right now is pretty stupid and childish, since i practically still overjoyed, hyperventilating, and manic..

thanks to all those who became a part of my life, and if i could, i’d make it so that i can also contribute and make your life better.. thank you so much!! THANKS TO ALL MY CONSTANT READERS YAH!

how does it feel like?

i’ve been in two shitful situations these days,

the first one, is that i locked myself out of the house, very stupid of me, i was just gonna throw out the trash, but then, the worse happened, i actually locked the door after walking out, with no keys, no sort of communication device, nor do i have money, my mom is at work, and still 5 hours left before she comes home. Me, being stupid, forgot her number, so i can’t possibly call her. I went to Ria and Ordie’s place, hoping i could have shelter for awhile, alas, their gone and also at work.. Poor me, so i walk all the way back to our house which is 4 blocks away from their house. I sat on a chair in front of the apartment door, wishing it would open. Then just my luck, a filipino couple and friends came, ask me if i want to come join them.. So i did, i spent the night, drinking beer, watching those noisy people utter absolute nonsense, but its much better than drifting into silence and solitude..

2nd Scenario, I accidentally stepped on a loose Screw, half an inch pierce through the sole of my left foot! AWW!!!! AAAHHH!!!! S&*%!!! F%$(@*()#@$@($*(@!!! So i went to the hospital nearby, got a teta-shot, been given antibiotics for 2 weeks.. and what’s worst is the next day, i’m out to travel the mountain, walking on my holed foot. S$(%#&$#$#! I can’t even make two steps without walking toes flat, heels up so it won’t hurt, now how can i walk up a mountain of snow.. B$#($#*$(*(!! whew, enough of that, i’m gettin tired..

Just had the Nclex several hours ago..

i never thought i’d get it at 75, i was so near to wetting my pants.. damn those "select all that apply’s." btw, i still don’t know when i’ll have the result, but to my faithful readers and fans and friends as well, pray for me huh? libre ko kayo pag pumasa ako.. hahaha… bye for now.. i kinda drained all my stacked knowledge for the day..

January 19, 2008..

i woke up from a dream, a dream i had before, although i think it was not a dream at all, it seemed like it happened in my past and now it recurred as a dream, but the person involved was different. one i am yet to meet..

i dreamt of her this morning, M.R., It happened in someone’s house, in a huge bedroom with four single beds. It looked like a hotel room only i’ve never encountered a hotel room with that many beds in one room. I was staying at the 4th bed from the door, she was at the 2nd. i gave a her a red box, a gift for Xmas, She opened it, inside was a letter i wrote and several teddies.. It was a confession of my feelings, somewhat i don’t quite understand.. It was weird, i felt like i’d known her for so long but in reality, i’m no one to her, and she’s just an angel unrelated to me.. After reading the letter, even a glimpse from, i could already tell, that lucky love was not on my side that day, but then, a reply from her, saying that what can i do? means, i have to prove myself, means there is a chance how slim it maybe. Me thinking to myself, i’ve no job, nothing more than my heart, which is so yesterday..  I was not to give up but i had no ace up my sleeve to pull out a miracle.. What can i do? I’m just a boy being true, wanting you..

I’ve been to an astrology site lately, just wasting time, then got to read about my zodiac sign..

Virgo.. then i wondered, i pondered, is it really true.. well lets see..

1. The Virgo character is precise, refined, and a lover of cleanliness, hygiene and order. Conventional, with a rather reserved manner. They are usually observant, shrewd, critical, and patient. Supporters of the ’status quo’, and conservative in all areas of life. Virgos are undemonstrative due to a coolness in their nature. Very selective, and non committal in friendship, they prefer to keep relationships on a superficial basis.

- hygiene? thats a positive, although my looks can be deceiving, i take a bath everyday.. cleanliness? well my mom cleans the house, my stuff, is stuffed somewhere in the house.. Order is boring. Conventional is lame.. Observant and Shrewd, Critical and Patient, i have those things in my other persona..  Status Quo? To see is to believe.. that’s what they say, i say crap.. WTF? Conservative in all areas of life, i don’t think that matches me by even little. Well i guess a bit.. Undemonstrative, we keep cool in the eyes of danger.. woohoo, hey truth is i hate arguing.. Better shut up! Jowks! The last part, being very selective, totally not me, i don’t choose friends, and i don’t fail them…

2. Quietly reserved, Virgos are polite and soft spoken people. Unassuming, outwardly cheerful and agreeable, they can be sensible, discreet, wise and witty, with an understanding of other people’s problems which they tackle with deftness. Virgos find their friends among those who can help them move up the social strata. They can be name droppers as they like to associate with achievers.

- Reserved? Of course, that’s stupid.. i’m so polite that it kills me waiting for someone for a long time, i’m soft spoken that makes me killer.. Unassuming, correct. Cheerful, not much, but if you gotta know me, i am.. Agreeable, 100% true, no one goes against me? understood? Sensible, a yeah, but i sorta most times act stupid.. hehe just for the kick.. Discreet? oh that’s me alright. Wise and witty, no arguing in that, im both.. Understanding? well, i never thought of myself that way, but hey i’m willing ti help. .  So im a skillful problem solver, not yet been realized. Does the last part means i’ma User Friendly? or friendly user? or what the heck, guys you know, never have i done such things to achieve something i want..

3. The Virgo have considerable charm and dignity, which make some male Virgoans appear effeminate when they are not. In marriage they can be genuinely affectionate, and make good partners and parents. More concerned with the outcome than the process, Virgos lack spontaneity. They are meticulous planners, considering every detail and its effect. There is seldom much room for emotional involvement because the mind is always engaged and dominant. What they lack in passion they make up for in preciseness.

- Charm? i don’t think so.. But its a trait that oneself can’t see but others can see. Dignity, hell yeah.. Effeminate? You mean girlish? i dunno, i love girls, don’t want to be one.. seriously.. especially the pretentious genders. Marriage? can’t say anything bout it. More concerned with outcome than process, uhmm no.. Actually yes, i have my own ways of coming up with answers.. Spontaneity, oops, sorry yeah, i bore you sometimes but hey i’m a Virgo. Planners? WTF, i don’t make schedules or plans, i come with the wind.. Emotional Involvement, although i look like a giant, i do have a heart. Lack in Passion? LIAR!! i’m passionate, you tell me.. and im precise in a way..

4. They are practical, mental people, possessing inquiring and logical minds. In this respect, they make excellent students, and good teachers. Their mental bend gives them the ability to analyze and solve the most complicated problems. Virgos have a wonderful eye for detail and often neglect the overall issues. Practical and good with their hands, they are excellent technicians and have good inventive talents. Hard workers and conscientious, they are perfectionists with little tolerance for shoddy work. There is no place in their world for people who are footloose and fancy free.

- Practical yes, Mental, mentally retarded? no, coz i switch back to maturity when the situation calls for it. Logical? indeed.. I can say i did good as a student, i’ve been able to share my knowledge with some people, although my communication skills are not that good related to education. Of course i love to solve problems.. Virgos have a wonderful eye? why eye only and why not make it beautiful eyes.. oh its different. Well, i’m not sure about that.. Technicians, inventive, that’s me alright, i was supposed to be taking up Engineering.. Hard workers? what kind of work do you mean? huh? Perfectionists, naaaaah… bullcrap, i don’t go for that, as long as its ok. Fancy free, footloose? well, i am sorta that kind of person sometimes i just want to break free.. but i won’t.. i’d do good as i promised..

5. Due to the Virgo preference for detail rather than the big picture, they make better workers than they do leaders. Virgoans are essentially tacticians, admirable in the attainment of limited objectives. They have a basic distrust in their nature, not only of other people but themselves as well. They project this mistrust to others and therefore make exacting employers. Although, they will never ask anyone to do what they won’t do, it is still asking a lot, because most people will not go to the pains a Virgo will..

- So you’re saying i can’t be a leader? well i don’t want to be.. yeah i’d be a worker but i don’t need you to tell me what to do.. Distrust? and Mistrust? not me.. i mean, sometimes its ok for me whatever the result is.. Don’t worry now, i trust you.. Virgo’s are Good Samaritans.. well i am, and yeah i’d take the pain away just so you won’t have to suffer…

6. On the shadow side, Virgos have a penchant for turning molehills into mountains, difficulties into stress and cleanliness into obsessive behavior. There is a need to pay attention to health concerns, particularly those related to overt stress. Virgos are predisposed to worry and hypochondria, even to the point of exhibiting symptoms of the latest diseases. It can be beneficial to take up a pastime which occupies the mind and the hands, while providing a sense of accomplishment. A Virgo finds peace where his or her physical mark can be measured on Earth.

- yeah, that’s true, when i’m stressed, i perspire, then i get itchy all over my body.. i’m obsessed with…… oops, almost revealed my secret for a moment there.. Hypochodriac am i? I’m not mentally challenged? i mean i’m a genius (he’s so dumb) ok. take that back.. Yeah, i take a lot of breaks.. Timeout!!

"But modest Virgo’s rays give polished parts,
And fill men’s breasts with honesty and arts;
No tricks for gain, nor love of wealth dispense,
But piercing thoughts and winning eloquence."

Au revoir!

the night has a thousand eyes, and the day but one;

yet the light of the bright world dies

with the dying sun..

the mind has a thousand eyes, and the heart but one;

yet the light of a whole life dies

when love is done..

i am an unhappy stranger.

my bed rocked and heaved by earthquake..

and no holy weed to get high

by candlelight and dream..

To you, the girl with those glasses..   

I can’t say how much I adore you, Every day of my life since I saw you. 

Behind those black framed glasses, Your eyes peaked, beauty, flawless. 

Twice, I got to see you, to look at  you.
My life, took a turn into something  new. 

Boredom was my ever longing game,
Then you came, I was never the same. 

Not the rain, nor the cold, can stop  me,
Only you’re voice, you’re answers will  give light to me. 

Oh yeah, I’m dreaming the impossible, I dare myself, whatever the trouble. 

I may get hurt, but what the hell, so  be it,
If being with you, takes my all, I’ll  give it. 

Wow, isn’t he crazy, a lunatic,  insanity at its peak,
Well, passion is survival, i cannot be weak. 

So many lame and cheap words in this  poem, I know,
But those are the boundaries I’m  willing to go. 

Life is bittersweet, I’m bitter and  you’re sweet,
I can only imagine the day that we’d  finally meet. 

I confess, I’m a sinner, and of all,  I’m a thief,
Coz I’d steal your heart, all for me  to keep. 

I’m not a poet, nor am I even talented  in this stuff, 
But I hope that these small lines of  truth are enough.   

I’m just a human being with a lot of s**t on my heart. My ambition was not to be a great lover, but that’s what I am.                               
                            

That title, i kinda borrowed it from a tv series i watched before.. but that’s not what i’m here to talk about..

My 2007, what happened to my life this previous year.. well i can say its not all gold.. there’s still dust and dirt that i should include here.. I can say, that 2007 is not the best of my years but it sure is one to put in the books..

Let’s start with the sad moments, lonely, a bit frustrating, depressing, something things that didn’t work out..

1. I decided to go live in the US, wow a dream come true, but the people who i built my dream with are left behind, my friends, my family.

2. I ended a past relationship, i confess, i did wrong, i’ve broken someone’s heart.. difficult but has to be.. it just wasn’t meant to be i guess.

3. College is over, wow I graduated, yeah great, downside is, well a chapter has ended, next is what? no more school, less hanging out with friends, reduced allowance? wtf! yeah all of that.

4. I’ve been reviewing for the past several months now, i hope i’d get to past the Nclex or else i’m taking my own life.. It’s a great feeling to graduate, but the feeling that you now must work for yourself is kinda sad, coz i’m one lazy boy..

5. Health wise, i now have some kind of allergy of some sort, is it the weather? is it my new lifestyle? or is it america? or maybe i’m homesick?

6. My social life aka friends, peers, are down to an all time low.

7. I left my dad back in the phils, its really hard, but now i must work coz i owe him who i am..

Whew i never thought i’d end that list.

NoW DOnt Hold BACK, for the good results of 2007

1. No more heavy loads in my chest aka heart, i’ve taken too much in 2006, 2007 has been a breath of fresh air.

2. I was living in Phili, not philly, right now i live in LA, woohoo! Hey im just getting warmed up.

3. The future is bright, although i still can’t imagine myself working, but just the thought of earning like 10 times what someone earns in the Phils, is really inviting.

4. I got separated from my friends and family in the Phils, but now i rejoined and live with my mother, whom i haven’t been able to spend much time when i was young.

5. New Friends!! thank you so much for being my friends, although we haven’t spent that much time, just the few hours i spent with you gave me enough reason to stay in America and strive to live.

6. Well, from rags to riches they say, i’m living the American Dream, still i dunno what it really means.. haha forget this one..

7. I changed my look, from clean to dirty! naaahh! just kiddin, well, no haircut for months, you know what i mean.

8. Finally this year, i got to really know what friendster is, never thought i’d be doing this s**t!..

We’ll there you go, its been a fun year and all, thank God i’m a survivor, always been, always will..